Serpents Tail Press
recently had the unfortunate experience of sitting through the latest
piece of Danish dogshit from Lars Von Trier, Dancer in the Dark,
writes alternative film reviewer Mikita Brottman in a new book out
from ever-unruly Serpents Tail in the UK, "the only bearable
moment of which was when that wailing pixie Bjork had her vocal
chords snapped by the hangmans noose."
Oh. Sorry. She
gave away the ending.
If the women writing
in Inappropriate Behaviour
are anything, they are unpredictable.
The twenty-nine essays in this book, tagged on the press releases
and back cover blurbs as "essential reading for all modern
thinkers who refuse to sell their souls for the latest pair of Manolo
Blahniks, who have had enough of magazine features telling them
how to satisfy their men in bed, how to live on lettuce and how
to look like Jennifer Aniston
", do more to free women
from the shackles of mass-marketed plastic modernity than any collection
of similar essays in nearly a
well, Ive never read any. Yowza.
Bring on the new girl order!
The essays on mothers
and motherhood that start the book range from the matricidal rantings
of Helen Hastings humming Lizzie Borden took an axe and
gave her Mother forty whacks and when she saw what she had done
she gave her Father forty-one
, to the heartfelt epitaph
of Russ Meyer sex-kitten Haji writing to her dead mother
about how difficult it is to raise children.
Penny Birch has
intimate knowledge of octopi. With two degrees in zoology she once
aimed to become an expert in mollusks. Unfortunately, she got a
little too close to the subject and in her essay The relationship
of the octopus to human sexuality you glimpse why. "Octopus
foreplay lasts hours, gentle stroking and probing with the tentacles,
particularly the sperm arm," she writes. "No two-minute
wonders here. To mate, the tip of the sperm arm is inserted into
the females mantle cavity, which is not very different from
the human vagina. There is more tentacle than is going to fit inside
you, but think of being licked out by a man with a three-foot tonguea
man who never tires and demands nothing in return."
Keep your girlfriends
away from this book, guys. It looks like we have competition. Kathleen
Kiirik Brysons investigation into the history of bestiality
could send her fancies astray. Hide the bulls. Shelter the horses.
Once the girls see the farm, how are you going to keep them down
in the city?
trashed with a vengeance by Jade Fox. Debbie Barham rips Bridget
Jones and Jones Clones fuckwit fiction a new asshole.
Drag Queen, Miss Kimberly, speaks out against breast cancer, and
Jessica dont call me Henry Kinsinger debates body
hair shaving. Annabel Chong, best known for setting a porn star
video record of sex with 251 men in ten hours, issues a duodenum
tickling tale about shit, scat, and other smelly substances. Katherine
Gates loves her guns (not those guns, guys, real
proud of it and gets highly aroused from shooting them off. Katrina
S. tackles the shackles of bondage in Medieval mayhem in the
midlands and 64-year-old belly dancer Zaida shows you dont
have to be young to shake your booty. Julia Collings reveals the
all too appropriate (considering the latest news) revelation of
how growing up Catholic primed her for a perfect life of masochism.
No, they are not
household names (well, maybe in the flophouse) and perhaps they
never will be, but they do have different views that this reviewer
found highly refreshing.
Yet the books
packaging promotes it as shock-lit, as a freak show of sorts, which
deprives it of its magic. Individually, each of these authors is
too hard for many mainstream publishers to touch, so putting them
in one book is a way to produce an anti-book that is
so rude and crude that it is publishable. This says more about mainstream
publishing tastes than the books contents. Still, Innapropriate
is a fresh blow of whisky breath in an all-too-often
chewing gum and bottled-water publishing world.